How often do you come home to your parents?

On Christmas morning, I met an old acquaintance who had come down from London with his family to spend the holidays with his parents. With the help of a caretaker, he was in the process of moving his father from a wheelchair into his car.

 

“We’re taking mom and dad to my place for Christmas lunch,” he said after we exchanged greetings. “My sister and her family, from Sydney, are here too.”

 

“That’s wonderful,” I said. “I can’t imagine how happy they must be.” I wished him and his dad a Merry Christmas and continued on my way. I felt a quiet warmth at the thought of their family reunion — our families had known each other for a long time.

 

Later, when I told my wife about the encounter, she felt the same way. “I’m so glad,” she said. “After all they’ve been through, they deserve every bit of happiness.”

 

As we reflected on their reunion, we realised how rare such family moments had become in today’s world, where we seemed to be more connected to our gadgets than to our loved ones, and where more and more children left home for another city or country to start their own lives.

"This place hasn't changed a bit": In Dad (1989), businessman John Tremont (Ted Danson) takes care of his ailing father, Jake Tremont (Jack Lemmon), after his mother dies. The experience proves to be a catharsis, as he reevaluates his own life and mends his strained relationship with his own son, Billy (Ethan Hawke).

In the rush of daily life, not to mention the distance, children sometimes overlook the joy of simply being with their parents: treasuring those who’ve loved and raised them selflessly, and shaped not just their lives, but in many ways, their destinies too.

 

One of the most emotionally difficult things for parents to do, especially as they enter their twilight years, is adjusting to a life in an empty nest. One moment parents are fully immersed in their children’s upbringing — from tucking them into bed every night to helping them settle down and everything in between — and the next, they’re left wondering where all those years went and when the children became adults with a life of their own. The years seemed to have slipped by in a flash, like a meteor streaking through the night sky, oblivious to the passage of cosmic time or space.

 

And so, as the years go by, parents — now empty nesters in the very protective nests they built for their sons and daughters — have to deal with a bittersweet transition and move on, beyond the happy moments and daily routines that once brought the family together. It has become increasingly common to find older couples whose homes feel emptier and whose dining rooms, once filled with laughter and excited chatter, have now grown quiet.

"Hank, thanks for coming. I'm sure your mother would have appreciated it": In The Judge (2014), big-city lawyer Hank Palmer (Robert Downey Jr.) returns to his rural hometown to defend his estranged father, Judge Joseph Palmer (Robert Duvall), who has been accused of murder. Along the way, he reconnects with his father.

Yet, in spite of the stillness and the loneliness that blankets their home, parents feel a quiet sense of pride knowing that their grown-up kids are carving their own path and identity in the world, and in most cases successfully too. That single feeling eclipses every other thought, including the sacrifices they have made over several years and the ache of separation that follows. Parents mask their emotions so that their children can get on with their lives without guilt and be as happy as they deserve to be.

 

Seen differently, time and change, as inevitable and cruel as they may seem at such times, offer parents a newfound freedom to do the things they missed all those years they spent raising their children. They do so, comforted by the thought that the children are just a WhatsApp call, video chat or flight away, and vice versa. It’s a small consolation, but it’s a reassurance they’re never far away.

 

Seeing the father and son together on Christmas Day reminded me of something someone once said to me: “There’s no substitute for filial affection. Neither money nor wealth, nor long-distance communication, can replace the warmth and joy of being with your parents and letting them know how much they mean to you.”

 

When children come home on holidays and festive occasions, it’s a reflection of a beautiful sentiment so aptly expressed by American author C. JoyBell C. — “Families are made in the heart.” Or, as someone else put it just as poignantly, “Family is the heart of the holidays.” While no amount of distance or time apart will lessen the profound love parents have for their children, nothing in the world will bring them greater joy and happy tears than opening the door and finding their children on the other side.

 

Here’s to making that journey home as often as we can and raising a toast to our parents — not out of obligation or a sense of duty, but to honour their sacrifices and because we love them as deeply as they’ve loved us from the day we were born.

 

© Prashant C. Trikannad